CID In Wonderland
by Caskettina
Summary: - Written By Myself and Scribblechacha - You have been WARNED! This containes drugs.. dirty things.. and ruins kiddie tv shows... We was just bored... R&R! T for saftey!
1. Drugs

It was the 19th of October 1983 and Alex and Gene where in the Quattro. They were partying down to their favourite track; The Power Of Love. The banana Alex was chewing on for some reason tasted of lemons. Gene laughed and Alex threw it at him. He glared daggers at her. Then Ray and Chris ran out of Luigi's because Luigi sneezed on the bar. Alex and Gene drove of to Balamory where Gene ran over Josey Jump because she annoyed him. Alex laughed and PC Plum arrested them. Viv came and saved them and PC Plum got removed from the force for obstructing the course of justic. They all left Balamory and went to find the teletubbies who where lounging around smoking weed and Alex wanted some, But Gene pushed her in a ditch and then arrested the teletubbies for possession with intent to supply. Ray and Chris turned up at the scene and laughed at Alex who threw a random cricket bat at Chris' face and it bounced off his head and hit Gene in the head. Gene got angry so he picked up Alex and threw her over his shoulder and then they left on a white horse whilst singing Vienna. The horse took them to Big cook, Little cook. Where Alex sat on little cook and Gene beat up big cook whilst calling him a nonce. Then the tweenies burst through the door with a missle launcher. Ray farted at them after eating a vindaloo and they all passed out. Ray laughed and Chris started to choke so they all ran out for some air. Then King Kong ran through the streets of Balamory with Lala and Poe in his hands. They all sat on the hill and ate flan and Jackie Chan jumped up behind Gene and beat him up. Alex was not happy about this so she hid in Rays' leather jacket. Ray pulled out his gun and shot Jackie Chan, Alex cheered and kissed him passionaltly on the lips, but just before they did the banana ninja called Chuck Norris danced to 'Peanut butter jelly time' and made Alex laugh. This made Ray sad as he wanted to kiss Alex, so he pushed Chuck Norris down a flight of stairs. Then the terminator arrived and Alex was carried away. Gene and Ray cried and they jumped into the Quattro to get her back. But they gave up and returned to the CID, Alex was there, and she was stonned. Shaz for some reason was sitting on her lap and they where giggling. Gene tried to guess why they where laughing but soon gave up and they all got stonned too. Harry Woolf walked in and sat in a bin. Lord Scareman and DCI Litton randomly appeared whilst doing a raunchy rumba, Alex thought they were having sex so she covered her eyes and started 'la'ing. Gene and Ray laughed at her, so she started to walk towards them and they hid under Chris' table. Alex laughed and took out a baseball bat, but then dropped it as Gene got up and walked towards her. Ray sighed and picked it up himself and hit Gene. Alex, who was poised to kiss Gene, kicked Ray in his bumconkers, he fell to the floor and Litton laughed. Chris hit Litton over the head with his shoe which made him cry like a baby. Everyone in the CID laughed and they all got stonned again.


	2. Love and Drugs

Gene sat in a Igloo in the middle of London, while Alex was cooking icecreams. Ray walked into the Igloo and a giant ice sculpture hit him on the head and caused him to believe he was Angel Gabriel. Alex laughed and Gene sat on his face. Then postman Pat crashed into the Igloo and Alex went 'You should have gone to specsavers' Pat stuck his fingers up and set Alex's hair on fire.

Gene and Ray laughed at her, Alex jumped into a freezing lake and screamed as one of the stonned teletubbies hit her in the face with a rainbow trout. The teletubbies took her away to teletubby land and she ate their drugs as revenge. She was overly stonned when Gene found her beating up a trashcan, she thought it was a dalek. Gene asked "What the fuck are you doing?" Alex replied with "You will be deleted." Gene was confused and said "Go home and make me icecream!" Alex replies "Oh grow some balls and do it yourself!" Gene gasped "DISCRIMINATION!! DIS-CRIM-IN-ATION!!" Alex sighed "Calm down princess!". Gene slapped Alex and his fingers snapped off; it turned out that his fingers were icicles. Alex laughed and Gene ran off crying and he met the Snowman, so they flew off singing 'Walking In The Air'. Alex just watched and laughed as they flew into a building. They fell down the side of the building, making the most annoying squeaking sound, when they hit the floor, Gene had a rash on one side of him and the snowman was metled. It turned out that Gene had contracted a STI from Sam in the old days when they had an affair. Alex has AIDS from Annie, so she threw Annie from the balcony of eternal damnation and cried, Gene laughed so Alex threw Sam into the river where he died. Gene and Alex were now very sad since they had lost their best friends, they went to bed, In diffrent rooms with other people and sang around the random campfire smoking weed and taking crack. Alex stole Gene's coat and thought she was the wicked witch of the west, so Gene threw water over her and she melted. Ray and Chris were happy so they started dancing around the campfire because they where so high, and were unaware that Gene and Shaz were engaging in a hot and steamy affair and Alex was married to Martin Summers. Noticing this, Ray and Chris gave into their inner urges and passionatly kissed.


End file.
